Being More Stressed than Saddened by Loss
CW: Death of Pet, Grief, Anxiety
A few days ago, I had to say goodbye to one of our family dogs who I had with me through some of the toughest times of my life. It was somewhat sudden. We could see he was getting older, but other conditions sprung up and, before I knew it, we were confronted with difficult questions. He passed while I was at work, and, all the while, I couldn't help but feel more anxious than mournful. My heart and mind were racing all day, as if there was something I could have done to prevent this. I watched the clock all day as though I needed to rush home. By the time I did leave, I was mentally drained, left without the energy to do anything but accept reality. It started to make me feel guilty about not feeling sadder. This was someone who was part of so much of my life, and I was just there, going about my normal commute home. Why was I more stressed than sad? Was it a feeling of guilt for not spending more time with him? Was I concerned about my family and not being by their side during such a difficult moment?
What I do know is that, after almost 15 years, I'll never forget the memories of us together and the difficult times he helped not just me, but everyone in our family, make it through. Thank you for being there when we needed you the most.